praise the Lord!

I'm so behind on writing posts... it's been super busy in the Wright house.  Stay tuned for But today I wanted to stop and praise the Lord for the good things He's done in our lives this last week. I feel like infertility blogs can easily become focused on the struggles and anger/sadness/frustration that go along with being infertile.  But no matter what the struggle is, the Lord is good! He is faithful and He never stops blessing His children.

- I got a flat tire in my bike four days before my race, but handyman Husband fixed it

- Husband got the stomach bug on Wednesday (same day I had flat tire)... I prayed for his healing but also that I would be spared from it and still be able to compete on Sunday (this also meant two nights of sleeping in separate rooms, a first for us and hopefully the last!).  On Friday, he was still unable to keep anything down so I took him to the ER.  Praise the Lord! After the IV and some meds, he was back to normal within a few hours.

- Parent Conferences were Thursday/Friday and all went well!

- I never got sick!!

- I got to babysit two of the sweetest and cutest little girls I know on Saturday... I used to be their nanny two days a week and I miss them soooooo much!

- Despite the weather being 36 degrees, I finished my triathlon and beat my personal goal!  I was unable to train as much as I wanted, so it truly was a miracle that I even finished.

My brother stayed with me the entire time! He is the best big brother a girl could ask for!!

- We had a relaxing Sunday and I think for the first time in... well, ever... I was thankful that it was just me and Husband and I wasn't wishing we had kids.  People tell me to enjoy this time, because once we do have kids, we won't get it back. Maybe I'm finally reaching that point. =)

 "The Lord is good to all."
Psalm 145:9



humbled by His faithfulness and love,
sarah Jane

i'm stepping up my game

It's amazing to me how quickly the enemy steps up his game when we recognize our mistakes and renew our vows to pursue Christ and His will for us.  It's immediate and I'm learning should even be expected.

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

Not even a week had passed after writing out my motto and I had fallen prey to the enemy's schemes. I spiraled downward so quickly I don't think I new which way was up.  And surprisingly, Aunt Flo was NOT the instigator this time.  This time it was my own selfish pride.

1.  spend time in the word daily -  I periodically picked up my study on Jonah and had signed up for the Shiloh infertility Bible study.  I made all kinds of commitments and promises but never actually did the work. Sure, I prayed. I listened to worship music. I may have even quoted a few Bible verses I had previously memorized.  But I was not spending time in the Scripture daily... meditating on it, praying it, seeking the Lord's will for how to apply it to my life. My whole life I've known how to act like a good Christian girl. But the Lord calls us to a deep, intimate relationship with Him.  I've thought recently about how I long for Husband's texts and phone calls.  I rearrange my schedule so I can spend MORE time with him. My heart skips a beat when he walks in the door and doesn't beat quite as fast when he's not around.  What would my life look like if I had the same feelings toward the God who rescued me from eternal damnation and adopted me as His daughter?  I bet it would be mighty different. Unrecognizable even.

2. let Kenny lead - aka... submit to Husband.  Hand in hand with not having quiet times is my desire to spend money.  The further I get from God, the more I fill my void with worthless materialistic things that I've convinced myself I need.  In September, Husband bought (gave... as a gift) me a bike, tickets to see Les Miserables (my FAVORITE musical), our hotel for London/Germany trip and several other things I needed for my triathlon.  But my wicked heart was not content. I begged and pleaded for a food processor to make my Paleo cooking faster and easier. And when he said no, how did I respond?  I bought it anyway and lied about it. I have never been so ashamed of myself. The look on his face when he found out pierced my heart as I realized this has become a serious problem. This is not the first time it's happened. The problem isn't that we don't have the money or that my husband is trying to be a dictator and tell me where I can and cannot spend my money. It's the fact that I went against his leading and then manipulated him into thinking I had the cash.  Contrary to what I had led myself to believe... no food processor will ever satisfy and save my wretched soul. It's something only Christ alone can do.

3. be a good teacher - Last week I found myself standing in front of my sixth graders with a "deer-in-the-headlights" look on my face wondering what on earth to do next. They had finished an assignment and due to my lack of lesson planning and grading, I had nothing for them to do!  My students knew it and I definitely lost some respect and credibility that day. The frustrating part was that my excuse was because I needed to spend more time at the gym or with Husband. In Colossians chapter 3, Paul talks about doing your work as for the Lord and not for men.  There have been so many days that I've thought of my job as something to pass the time, until I get my "real job" - being a mom.  This year I've been so convicted that this IS my real job, until God says it's not.  Would my classroom be run differently if I worked as unto the Lord and not my boss?  Would I treat my students differently if I saw them through His eyes and not my frustrated, over-worked, tired teacher eyes?

4. maintain my body as a temple - Yes, I've been training hard for this triathlon.  But my clean eating has gone down the drain and I've used food as an escape from the stresses of my life.  I'm usually not an emotional eater, and definitely not when I'm depressed. Stress however is a totally different story. And what I'm seeing is it's a vicious cycle. If I don't eat right I don't have very much energy. What little energy I do have is used to get by with the bare minimum. Only doing the bare minimum creates stress which makes me consume ridiculous amounts of sugar and carbohydrates and processed foods.  

I realized all of this last week after a horrible day at work. My amazing husband worked out a new schedule with me and helped me re-prioritize my life. And what a difference it's made in every area mentioned above.  I'm able to have quiet times, grade papers/lesson plan, exercise, make healthy meals, and spend time with Husband... every day!  The Lord has been so faithful (as always) to not only gently convict me, but to show me the way out as well. It may be a long, slow climb. But at least I'm working my way up.

.  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .  .

So go ahead enemy. Step up your game. I'm stepping up mine... the difference?  God is on my side! And He's already won this battle!

humbled by His faithfulness and love,

sarah jane

the triathlon

Today I begin training for the Monster Triathlon on October 28. 

And the story behind this non-athlete signing up for such an athletic event is quite comical. Yes, everyone I've told so far has laughed at me. That's fine... just adds fuel to my fire!

Here's how it all went down:

Husband had his first softball game last Monday night. (He's playing on a league from our church.) Now I am perfectly content sitting on the bleachers, not talking to anyone. Being social with strangers is so far outside of my comfort zone that it takes a miracle to actually happen. This bugs Husband to no end. He purposely signed up for the men's team (rather than co-ed) so I could make friends with "the wives." 

The game began with me sitting on the far edge of the bleachers, my back to everyone else. It was a late game, starting at 9:00, on the first day of school.  There weren't too many people there and I'm assuming the mommies were putting their children to bed.  About twenty minutes into the game, I had finally convinced myself to talk to one person, solely to appease my husband.

On the opposite side of the bench was a girl who looked my age. She had the most beautiful dog with her and I can always stir up a conversation about dogs. So I scooted down and began my interview. I asked her how old her puppy was, what breed, name, male or female, what she does for a living, etc.

She then asked if I do anything athletic.  The conversation continued like so:

me: I cycle and sometimes run, but that's pretty much it. I work out but don't do team sports.

Kandia: That's cool. I just signed up for a triathlon.

me: Wow! That's intense.

Kandia: Well it's only a sprint triathlon, so the distances are shorter. Plus, the swimming portion is in a natatorium so you won't be in open water.

me: That actually sounds amazing! What are the distances?

Kandia:  Swim 300 meters, bike 12 miles, run a 5k.

me: That actually sounds doable. And I've got two months to train! Hmmm... where do I sign up?

And that was that.

I've been looking for something to keep my mind off of fertility, but also a way to focus my thoughts on the Lord.  Nothing stirs my affections for Him more than being outdoors. And I've always run/cycled without any music so that I could spend the time in prayer and worship.

Another plus is this will encourage me to start eating paleo again. I can't complete a triathlon on a diet of carbs and sugar (which unfortunately has been my sustenance during the past three weeks of torment).

I'm so excited to challenge myself and conquer this next goal.

It's amazing what the Lord can do when you step outside of your comfort zone.  I'm blown away, every time.

"Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us." Hebrews 12:1b

humbled by His faithfulness and love,

sarah jane

my motto

Over the past two years I have been encouraged, both by my work and our church, to write a personal statement.  A motto.  But I never knew where to start and never felt eloquent enough to put my convictions into words that could be displayed.

During my quiet time tonight, I felt the Lord push me to write down my priorities.  My mind lately has constantly been preoccupied with baby related things. I have found myself literally wanting to beg and plead with the Lord for children.  I need something to replace these thoughts with.

I'm studying the book of Jonah using Priscilla Shirer's Bible study Navigating a Life Interrupted.  In closing today's work, she asked me to meditate on what it would mean to engage fully in His calling. 

His calling.

Not my calling.

I feel like I try so incredibly hard to make my will sound like His will when I pray.  So I asked my stepmom how to pray without sounding controlling and indecisive. My prayers have had a tendency to go like so:

"Lord if it's Your will, I'd like to get pregnant this month. But if it's not Your will, I know You have something better and I trust in You and Your perfect timing. But please God, let this be our month!"

She gave me an example of how a speaker makes a motion, but someone must second it before it can be voted on.  God wants us to partner with Him in executing His will.  My prayers should go more like so:

"Lord I know You have a perfect plan for me, and I ask that You would help me do my part in executing Your will."

As I began to think about what I know His will is for me right now, I realized I am worthless to Him if I am discontent and constantly dwelling on my own desires and will for my life.  When I surrendered to Him, these priorities quickly came to mind, and I believe I've accidentally found my motto.

Every day, I will strive to:
1. be a vessel fit for His use by spending time in His Word, knowing Him more, and obeying His calling
2. be a wife that prays without ceasing and allows my husband to be the spiritual leader in our home
3. be a teacher that loves on her students, instills self-esteem, and individualizes work plans so they will succeed
4. maintain my body as a temple of the Holy Spirit by eating clean and working out

I am committing to yielding to Him and His purposes even when they don't make sense. 


humbled by His faithfulness and love,
sarah jane


and P.S.  I am hoping (anxiously expecting a miracle, as Beth Moore would say) that someday I can add a number five to my list...

lifestyle... redefined.

So much has happened the past few weeks I don't even know where to start.  But instead of dropping the bombshell, I'll go back to the beginning.

Six months ago when Husband and I started seeing doctors for my infertility, I was researching every natural alternative fertility treatment on the internet that I could find (I still am).  I looked at herbal supplements, nutrition, muscle testing, vitamins, etc.  Around the same time, a fad of "eating for your blood type" diets were going around. I knew I was O+ and that meant I should be on the Paleo diet. I knew maybe one or two people who were on Paleo. That meant cutting out all dairy, carbs, and sugar, which I absolutely refused to do. I remember thinking, "I get one life, I'm going to live it like I want and eat what I want." 

During my quiet times, I gently felt the Lord convicting me about my eating habits.  This verse repeatedly came to mind.

  "Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own..."  

1 Corinthians 6:19  (emphasis mine)

Eating the way I had been left me so tired and lethargic. How can I be of use to the Lord when I'm constantly sleeping! But being the stubborn, must-learn-lessons-the-hard-way child that I am, I pushed these convictions aside.  I had bought a book about eating in moderation but never read it. If I started a "diet," it never lasted more than a day. To be honest, I think my eating got worse.

Fast forward five months... several of my friends had now converted to Paleo and were constantly posting pictures of their meals on Facebook. Meals that actually looked yummy! Meals I wanted to try.

So I started researching Paleo. Within minutes I was appalled at the foods I had been eating. Foods I had been told were healthy.  Foods I lived on. (This website is a great resource.)  These foods were carbohydrates (whole grains included), dairy, and sugar. 

What finally got my attention was that these foods could cause infertility.

Hold up... that meant the cinnamon roll I had for breakfast along with my chai tea could be keeping us from having children!?! What a simple fix!!

If that didn't do it, I also read these foods can cause autoimmune diseases (cancer, multiple sclerosis, diabetes, schizophrenia... some pretty scary diseases).  My mom was diagnosed with MS about five years ago and I know it's genetic. I've seen what it's done to her and I don't want it happening to me.

The day after researching this, I went to see a nutritionist.  I'm praying the Lord will use her to regulate my hormones because I can't stand much more of this craziness! BUT, she asked if I had heard of Paleo and said if I'd be willing to commit to it that the supplements would work so much faster.  She asked if I knew my blood type (O+) and then said it's even more important that I switch.  People who are O+ generally crave carbohydrates and sugar.  After thirty days of not eating them, the cravings go away. 

How nice would that be!?

I already knew the Lord had been leading me this way. And I am SO thankful He never gives up.  I am finally switching to Paleo!! (Better late than never, right?)  And it is a new lifestyle for me, not a diet.  If eating this way glorifies the Lord, prepares my body for a baby, and prevents MS... I'm all for it, for life!

I've also changed my workout routine from solid cardio five times per week, to mostly lifting weights with a little cardio mixed in.  This picture totally sums up my thoughts, both then and now.

I am continually amazed at the love God pours out on His children.  Even when they don't listen, they pout, and they think they know best, but He never gives up.  He truly knows best for each and every one of us. I am so excited for this new journey and can't wait to see what God's got up His sleeves next.

humbled by His faithfulness and love,

sarah jane