most important

John Piper posted this video on his Facebook page today.  I read his book Desiring God years ago but seem to have lost sight of the truth it teaches: God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him.

This video mentions a quote from the book, "treasuring Christ is more important than bearing children."

I was left speechless and totally convicted by the end of this video.  I am beyond blessed with an amazing husband, family, friends, job security and health, and yet I sit around and complain that God is unkind for withholding children from us (which is a LIE).

Lord, I don't want to miss the most important reason for living. Christ! He is my ultimate satisfaction.


Click on the link below to watch the video... and grab a box of Kleenex as well.

The Story of Ian and Larissa


humbled by His faithfulness and love,
sarah jane

bitter sweet

I put Husband on a plane for Cambodia today.  He began packing last night at nine o'clock. But the Lord has been preparing our hearts for this trip since January.

I have been wanting to go on a mission trip with Husband since we started dating. His feelings have not always been the same, but this past year he has been in agreement. So we've tossed ideas back and forth about where we wanted to go. We both have a heart for Africa, Husband especially since he went when he was seventeen. A few opportunities arose, the Lord stirred our hearts, but nothing came to fruition.

In January we received an update email from a friend with a ministry in San Antonio about his plans to go to Cambodia this summer.  I immediately emailed Husband and said "let's go!"  But with schedule conflicts and not knowing what business would be like, the conversation was put on the back burner.

On March 22, in the middle of class, I received this email from Husband:

".....Cambodia trip is May 6-20. Yes I'm back to thinking about it. Mark Roye called me yesterday and asked if I would come...."

In his usual "use least amount of words possible" style, this was him letting me know he had made a decision.  I instantly knew he was to go, but in my usual "use most amount of words conceivable" style, I wanted to talk about it. I watched the clock tick every minute until the bell rang and called him on the phone.  My angry flesh had decided to say these things....

"You can't go, we're supposed to go together and I can't miss work."

"My sister's wedding is the twentieth, are you really gonna miss that?"

"I'll miss you, that's too long to be gone."

"We don't have the money for this trip."

But when he said hello, thankfully my spirit took over, and the only words my mouth would utter were "I have nothing but selfish reasons to say to keep you here. I know the Lord wants you to go."  I hung up the phone, fell into a puddle on the floor behind my desk and screamed at the Lord through my tears.

"You have taken EVERYTHING from me, You can't have him! I know I've prayed the prayer of surrender a thousand times, and You just had to take it to this level. I will never understand how You get so much joy by taking things away from me."

I was reminded of Job, who truly did have everything taken away, and yet he still praised the Lord.

Since then, the Lord has worked wonders on my cold and bitter heart. He is not spitefully "taking away my husband."  He is answering prayers that I, yes I have prayed for years. Oh that He would continue to open my eyes to see this life as He does. 

I'm so eager to see all the Lord has in store to accomplish on this trip. The team is going to build a play scape for children that have been rescued from human trafficking.  I LOVE that the Lord is using my husband's talents to bring joy and truth to these children. I don't picture my man-of-few-words preaching in the slums, although ANYTHING is possible with God!  But he packed his tools last night and will serve the Lord with his hands. I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 12, how we are one body with many members. Mission trips aren't defined as telling people about Christ (with the mouth). It's about serving, and showing by example the love and grace and mercy and generosity of our Savior!  I am praying seeds will be planted both in the children playing on their new play scape and in my Husband... seeds of unquenchable thirst and hunger for their God.

"Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!"  Psalm 34:8

Yes, Husband, I will miss you very much!  But I release you to the Hands of our mighty God and cannot wait to hear about the wonders He is doing on the other side of the world. 

 

(And P.S. If you find a sweet little Cambodian girl who captures your heart and wraps you around her finger, it would be perfectly fine for you to bring her home.)

humbled by His faithfulness and love,

sarah jane

hallelujah!

My hormones are in the normal range.

Cue the Hallelujah Chorus!!

It has been a mountain of trials and errors (and surgeries!) to get my progesterone from LESS than 0.1 (not even on the charts) to 23.  

I'm definitely doing the happy dance and celebrating tonight!

Onward and upward. 

humbled by His faithfulness and love,

sarah jane

can ANYONE relate?!?

I'm smack dab in the middle of my two week wait... the dreaded two weeks between ovulation and menstrual cycle.  With the resetting of my uterus, my hope has been heightened and I am eagerly anticipating day 28 when I can take a home pregnancy test.

I feel my boobs at every waking moment in the middle of the night... "Are they sore?  Are they bigger? Are they firm? Do they feel different at all?"

"Was that a hot-flash?  Or typical Texas heat?"

"Is that nausea?  Or am I just sick?"

"Was that spotting or implantation bleeding?"

"Could this cramping be a baby trying to make its home?  Or is it the onset Aunt Flo coming in town for an uninvited visit once again."

It's killing me! It's all I think about. And then I tell myself God won't allow me to get pregnant if I'm thinking about this so much, trying to take control.  But trying NOT to think about it makes me think about it more.

Oh how I longed for a "surprise pregnancy."  But now it seems I focus on every little change in my body and assume it's pregnancy... only to be let down. Using the Creighton Method allows me to be so in-tune with my body I don't feel like there's any room for surprises. But on the other hand, it's helped me figure out what was wrong with my body and is now helping to regulate hormones.

I had my final appointment with my surgeon in Austin last Friday. He said to be calm and patient, that it could take up to twenty months for something to happen. I'm sorry, was that twenty as in two-zero? As in another (almost) two years?  It's been two and a half already. I know my heart cannot handle another twenty let downs.

But the mighty God I serve knows exactly how many more I can handle. How grateful I am that He's in control.


humbled by His faithfulness and love,
sarah jane