It's amazing to me how quickly the enemy steps up his game when we recognize our mistakes and renew our vows to pursue Christ and His will for us. It's immediate and I'm learning should even be expected.
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Not even a week had passed after writing out my motto and I had fallen prey to the enemy's schemes. I spiraled downward so quickly I don't think I new which way was up. And surprisingly, Aunt Flo was NOT the instigator this time. This time it was my own selfish pride.
1. spend time in the word daily - I periodically picked up my study on Jonah and had signed up for the Shiloh infertility Bible study. I made all kinds of commitments and promises but never actually did the work. Sure, I prayed. I listened to worship music. I may have even quoted a few Bible verses I had previously memorized. But I was not spending time in the Scripture daily... meditating on it, praying it, seeking the Lord's will for how to apply it to my life. My whole life I've known how to act like a good Christian girl. But the Lord calls us to a deep, intimate relationship with Him. I've thought recently about how I long for Husband's texts and phone calls. I rearrange my schedule so I can spend MORE time with him. My heart skips a beat when he walks in the door and doesn't beat quite as fast when he's not around. What would my life look like if I had the same feelings toward the God who rescued me from eternal damnation and adopted me as His daughter? I bet it would be mighty different. Unrecognizable even.
2. let Kenny lead - aka... submit to Husband. Hand in hand with not having quiet times is my desire to spend money. The further I get from God, the more I fill my void with worthless materialistic things that I've convinced myself I need. In September, Husband bought (gave... as a gift) me a bike, tickets to see Les Miserables (my FAVORITE musical), our hotel for London/Germany trip and several other things I needed for my triathlon. But my wicked heart was not content. I begged and pleaded for a food processor to make my Paleo cooking faster and easier. And when he said no, how did I respond? I bought it anyway and lied about it. I have never been so ashamed of myself. The look on his face when he found out pierced my heart as I realized this has become a serious problem. This is not the first time it's happened. The problem isn't that we don't have the money or that my husband is trying to be a dictator and tell me where I can and cannot spend my money. It's the fact that I went against his leading and then manipulated him into thinking I had the cash. Contrary to what I had led myself to believe... no food processor will ever satisfy and save my wretched soul. It's something only Christ alone can do.
3. be a good teacher - Last week I found myself standing in front of my sixth graders with a "deer-in-the-headlights" look on my face wondering what on earth to do next. They had finished an assignment and due to my lack of lesson planning and grading, I had nothing for them to do! My students knew it and I definitely lost some respect and credibility that day. The frustrating part was that my excuse was because I needed to spend more time at the gym or with Husband. In Colossians chapter 3, Paul talks about doing your work as for the Lord and not for men. There have been so many days that I've thought of my job as something to pass the time, until I get my "real job" - being a mom. This year I've been so convicted that this IS my real job, until God says it's not. Would my classroom be run differently if I worked as unto the Lord and not my boss? Would I treat my students differently if I saw them through His eyes and not my frustrated, over-worked, tired teacher eyes?
4. maintain my body as a temple - Yes, I've been training hard for this triathlon. But my clean eating has gone down the drain and I've used food as an escape from the stresses of my life. I'm usually not an emotional eater, and definitely not when I'm depressed. Stress however is a totally different story. And what I'm seeing is it's a vicious cycle. If I don't eat right I don't have very much energy. What little energy I do have is used to get by with the bare minimum. Only doing the bare minimum creates stress which makes me consume ridiculous amounts of sugar and carbohydrates and processed foods.
I realized all of this last week after a horrible day at work. My amazing husband worked out a new schedule with me and helped me re-prioritize my life. And what a difference it's made in every area mentioned above. I'm able to have quiet times, grade papers/lesson plan, exercise, make healthy meals, and spend time with Husband... every day! The Lord has been so faithful (as always) to not only gently convict me, but to show me the way out as well. It may be a long, slow climb. But at least I'm working my way up.
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So go ahead enemy. Step up your game. I'm stepping up mine... the difference? God is on my side! And He's already won this battle!
humbled by His faithfulness and love,
sarah jane
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