I'm smack dab in the middle of my two week wait... the dreaded two weeks between ovulation and menstrual cycle. With the resetting of my uterus, my hope has been heightened and I am eagerly anticipating day 28 when I can take a home pregnancy test.
I feel my boobs at every waking moment in the middle of the night... "Are they sore? Are they bigger? Are they firm? Do they feel different at all?"
"Was that a hot-flash? Or typical Texas heat?"
"Is that nausea? Or am I just sick?"
"Was that spotting or implantation bleeding?"
"Could this cramping be a baby trying to make its home? Or is it the onset Aunt Flo coming in town for an uninvited visit once again."
It's killing me! It's all I think about. And then I tell myself God won't allow me to get pregnant if I'm thinking about this so much, trying to take control. But trying NOT to think about it makes me think about it more.
Oh how I longed for a "surprise pregnancy." But now it seems I focus on every little change in my body and assume it's pregnancy... only to be let down. Using the Creighton Method allows me to be so in-tune with my body I don't feel like there's any room for surprises. But on the other hand, it's helped me figure out what was wrong with my body and is now helping to regulate hormones.
I had my final appointment with my surgeon in Austin last Friday. He said to be calm and patient, that it could take up to twenty months for something to happen. I'm sorry, was that twenty as in two-zero? As in another (almost) two years? It's been two and a half already. I know my heart cannot handle another twenty let downs.
But the mighty God I serve knows exactly how many more I can handle. How grateful I am that He's in control.
humbled by His faithfulness and love,
sarah jane
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