I put Husband on a plane for Cambodia today. He began packing last night at nine o'clock. But the Lord has been preparing our hearts for this trip since January.
I have been wanting to go on a mission trip with Husband since we started dating. His feelings have not always been the same, but this past year he has been in agreement. So we've tossed ideas back and forth about where we wanted to go. We both have a heart for Africa, Husband especially since he went when he was seventeen. A few opportunities arose, the Lord stirred our hearts, but nothing came to fruition.
In January we received an update email from a friend with a ministry in San Antonio about his plans to go to Cambodia this summer. I immediately emailed Husband and said "let's go!" But with schedule conflicts and not knowing what business would be like, the conversation was put on the back burner.
On March 22, in the middle of class, I received this email from Husband:
".....Cambodia trip is May 6-20. Yes I'm back to thinking about it. Mark Roye called me yesterday and asked if I would come...."
In his usual "use least amount of words possible" style, this was him letting me know he had made a decision. I instantly knew he was to go, but in my usual "use most amount of words conceivable" style, I wanted to talk about it. I watched the clock tick every minute until the bell rang and called him on the phone. My angry flesh had decided to say these things....
"You can't go, we're supposed to go together and I can't miss work."
"My sister's wedding is the twentieth, are you really gonna miss that?"
"I'll miss you, that's too long to be gone."
"We don't have the money for this trip."
But when he said hello, thankfully my spirit took over, and the only words my mouth would utter were "I have nothing but selfish reasons to say to keep you here. I know the Lord wants you to go." I hung up the phone, fell into a puddle on the floor behind my desk and screamed at the Lord through my tears.
"You have taken EVERYTHING from me, You can't have him! I know I've prayed the prayer of surrender a thousand times, and You just had to take it to this level. I will never understand how You get so much joy by taking things away from me."
I was reminded of Job, who truly did have everything taken away, and yet he still praised the Lord.
Since then, the Lord has worked wonders on my cold and bitter heart. He is not spitefully "taking away my husband." He is answering prayers that I, yes I have prayed for years. Oh that He would continue to open my eyes to see this life as He does.
I'm so eager to see all the Lord has in store to accomplish on this trip. The team is going to build a play scape for children that have been rescued from human trafficking. I LOVE that the Lord is using my husband's talents to bring joy and truth to these children. I don't picture my man-of-few-words preaching in the slums, although ANYTHING is possible with God! But he packed his tools last night and will serve the Lord with his hands. I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 12, how we are one body with many members. Mission trips aren't defined as telling people about Christ (with the mouth). It's about serving, and showing by example the love and grace and mercy and generosity of our Savior! I am praying seeds will be planted both in the children playing on their new play scape and in my Husband... seeds of unquenchable thirst and hunger for their God.
"Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good!" Psalm 34:8
Yes, Husband, I will miss you very much! But I release you to the Hands of our mighty God and cannot wait to hear about the wonders He is doing on the other side of the world.
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(And P.S. If you find a sweet little Cambodian girl who captures your heart and wraps you around her finger, it would be perfectly fine for you to bring her home.)
humbled by His faithfulness and love,
sarah jane
See God uses us all. The words of him having a "father's heart" spoken by Jim Brown, who is going, was he had a "father's heart for the Body of Christ". I have watched him prepare a life for the both of you...buy cars, buy a home, build a business, buy land and stock...all were top priorities and then when you both struggled for children, who are yet to be born. In scripture it says, that Mary pondered these things in her heart...I am the mother who ponders in her heart all the words God has given me on my children since their conceptions. Now I stand back and watch God work. When they marry they become one with someone else and that person is now the key to what God wants to do. My position then becomes my knees...well and maybe forwarding an email. LOL
ReplyDeleteYou both read the Martin Smith books...then you the Kisses for Katie...you prepared to go together to Africa...and then this happened.
Where you cried about not being able to go with him...well I cried too...I wanted to go...I felt it was my turn. God gently told me that my mission field was in my own backyard and on my knees...I am trying to be faithful. My name is one Bonnie's passport...so God humored me with that.
Each has their own gifts...but all the gifts are for the Body of Christ...all gifts, mouth- proclaiming, and Yes God can bring that out in Kenny also, the gifts of our hands- with serving, and all the other gifts...all for His glory. The gift of allowing a love one to go...is just as important as the one who goes.
Thank you for being obedient...this mother-in-law is soooooooooooooo proud of you and love you dearly. I am so glad we never talked through the process...that allowed our sides to be told...different...and yet, a testimony of how God uses us all to bring His plans to past!!
I think a boy and a girl grandchildren would be great!!! LOL
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