carry me

Music has always been a huge part of my family.  My mom grew up in a family of six… the daddy, the mommy, two boys, and two girls.  Ironically, they were each gifted with a different voice and formed their own chorus.  My grandmother wrote many songs and accompanied them as they performed in churches and nursing homes throughout the state. They even recorded their own record! 

My mom now owns a music school that offers private in-home piano lessons to over two hundred students. My siblings and I were forced to take blessed with the opportunity to take piano lessons from age five until we graduated high school.  My older sister went to Southern Methodist University on a full scholarship for piano at age sixteen. I will never forget falling asleep listening to her practice Rachmaninoff and Prokofiev.

When I was in ninth grade, I started teaching piano for my mom’s school and haven’t stopped since. Not only did it give me an opportunity to grow in my own music skills, but I also learned responsibility, maturity, integrity, and honed my own teaching style.  Although I spent my days after school in a music studio instead of learning how to socialize, I am grateful for the character God built in me and the experience I gained early on.

Living so close to our extended family gave us the chance to see each other often. This was necessary because we performed shows for nursing homes and churches, just as our parents did. All thirteen grandchildren took turns singing songs, playing the piano, and performing skits. We did it so many times I think we could all still perform the whole show today if the occasion was right.

I cannot remember a family gathering that ended without aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends gathered around the piano to sing hymns or Christmas carols.  It was the highlight of the evening!

My sweet grandmother always listened to 101.1 WRR, the classical station on the radio. I used to think it was so old-fashioned, but now I find myself tuning in to that same station and reminiscing.  When the end of her life drew near, all she wanted was her family beside her. The hospital had a two-visitor rule but they made an exception for “the Roberts.” We squeezed thirty people in her tiny room and sang hymns. She went from hearing our voices to hearing the voices of the angels, all singing praises to our Savior!

I recently had an epiphany. I noticed every time I was sad, depressed, lonely, or glum that I sat down and played the piano.  Beethoven, Chopin, Debussy, Liszt… whoever the composer, it was always a song in a minor key. It hit me one day while talking to a dear friend. Music expressed what my words and emotions could not. It uttered the deep agony and anguish of my soul in an entirely different language and it was so freeing!  Often times my minor sounding songs turned into hymns of praise.  I mentioned in my last post that God created me without an ability to cry… but I think He replaced it with a talent for music and the ability to worship Him through song.

My next surgery is today at 8:00.  The alien’s time has come to be exterminated! I am much more nervous this time and have tried not to think about it.  I am battling anxiety and fear so much more this time. I haven’t been able to pinpoint exactly why yet, but either way I know it’s not from the Lord.  His word says:

“The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything,

but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving

let your requests be made known to God.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding,

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:5-7

A co-worker reminded my yesterday when I worry I am carrying something I was never meant to carry.  Her words ran through my mind last night and this morning, along with the verse from Philippians. God intends for me to carry peace, and He will carry me.

Husband picked me up from work and had Martin Smith playing in the background.  Martin Smith was the lead singer of Delirious, a band that changed both of our walks with the Lord and is played daily in our home. He is now working solo, but his songs still pierce my heart. In my mind, Mr. Smith is a modern-day David. 

I know I keep posting songs that the Lord has used instrumentally in my life. But here’s one more. The actual song is much longer, but this verse and chorus spoke volumes to me:

You Carry Me (Psalm for the Broken)

Martin Smith

When your heart is all but broken

And the truth cannot be spoken

I will not be shaken.

I will not be shaken.

And you carry me,

You carry me.

You carry me

All the way to the other side.

Lord, my flesh wants to be terrified, anxious, and doubtful.  It encourages me to focus on the negatives and everything that could possibly go wrong. But I take those thoughts captive to obey You! (2 Corinthians 10:5)  You alone are in control and will not let anything happen to me that has not first passed through Your hands. Father, I am trading in my fears and worries for the peace that only comes from You.  Carry me Lord!!

humbled by His faithfulness and love,

sarah jane