greatest gift

Husband and I sought further wisdom and council and do not feel one hundred percent confident that acupuncture is the path the Lord wants us on.

I am beyond frustrated.  I had my blood drawn (on vacation, thank you very much) and the lab lost my results.  That's right... lost... as in "cannot be recovered."  The customer service lady said she called Texas, Arizona (where blood was drawn), California, Nevada, and Utah collection labs and no one has results. The lab I went to has record of me being there but nothing after that. 

Perfect. Just perfect.

Now I get to endure another month of agony and unbalanced hormones.

Extreme fatigue. Headaches. Acne. Mood swings. Hot flashes. Hair loss.  

These are not symptoms I'm willing to live with.

So we've decided to see a reproductive endocrinologist... aka infertility specialist.

If the Lord does not have children for me, that's fine (although it kinda has to be fine).  But I can't stand this hormonal imbalance.

But this also means accepting the reality that I am in fact infertile. I hate accepting and owning this label. 

As I'm typing this, the Lord has shown me I teach children who are labeled... with a learning difference.  However, because of their label, their weaknesses are specifically targeted. And as a result, their treatment is successful and their learning difference remediated. Many parents are reluctant to label their child. But I've seen only good things from it. 

A little girl in my class today mentioned she had dyslexia when another teacher corrected her spelling. She looked embarrassed for admitting it. She's new to the school and did not realize everyone at Shelton has some kind of learning difference. The boy sitting next to her chimed in, "I have dyslexia too!" with a smile on his face.  A tiny grin appeared across her face and she went back to work.  She knew she was in the right place.  I often teach my students that their weakness (dyslexia or ADHD) can become their greatest strength and gift if they learn how to cope with it and use it to their advantage.  

Dyslexics are great "big picture" thinkers... Winston Churchill and Albert Einstein were dyslexic. ADHD kids are very detailed oriented and can often hyper-focus... Jerry Pinkney (amazing, watercolor illustrator) has ADHD.

So maybe me accepting my label (not as a punishment, but as a gift from God) is right where God wants me... in an infertility specialist's office, asking for his help and expertise, knowing that God gave him the gift of helping infertiles.  I've always said the Lord alone creates life... and for some reason that has meant I couldn't see a specialist.  I was wrong.  As long as I continue to give God all the glory, He can use a specialist to help us get pregnant. 

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, 

declares the LORD.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-9

humbled by His faithfulness and love,

sarah jane