please hold...

I feel like I’ve been kicked in the stomach.

Just when I thought I’d turned a corner... I finally had a diagnosis, a surgery date scheduled, and a confirmation for the direction we had decided to go.

My doctor called at 7:30pm last night and said he wanted to hold off on surgery.  He seemed concerned about the alien and the potential ruckus he might cause if a blessing were to grow. After mentioning that he had spoken of my case with several of his colleagues, he proceeded to tell me about a new technique called uterine fibroid embolization… aka Operation Destroy the Alien.  This procedure is minimally invasive and would basically starve the alien of his life supply, therefore causing him to shrink (hooray!).  My doctor wanted to do some more research and continue discussing this before we “rushed into surgery.”

I am beyond thankful that my doctor is not willing to “rush” into anything and that he is looking for alternative options… and at 7:30pm nonetheless!  However, this also means I have to wait.

Waiting.

I hate the word. No, I loathe the word. I've waited for two years, Lord. How is this not long enough? And now You're telling me to wait indefinitely?

In my selfish flesh, I like control and having immediate answers to all my problems.  But in my spirit, I know this is the Lord’s gentle nudge, calling me back to Him, promising nothing short of perfection.

“Count it all joy my, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”  James 1:2-4

So what am I waiting for?

·       a womb free of extraterrestrials – ready to cultivate life

·       God’s timing – which is always perfect

“If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.” 

Habakkuk 2:3

·       my doctor to find the best possible route for us to take (and in the meantime I am not idly sitting by… I have called upon my prayer warriors to cover him in wisdom and discernment)

·       further sanctification and redemption of my weak flesh so that I might look more like my Savior

What is there for me to hate about these wonderful blessings?  Oh how grateful I am to serve a God who is unwilling to let me wallow in my own self pity.

So I stand firm in my conviction. And YES LORD!  I will wait!

humbled by His faithfulness and love,

sarah jane